Cafe Leone

I no longer have the courage to look in my father’s eyes.

uncategorized | 15 Comments »

My Almost 11 year old son just came up to me and said:

Dad, I will throw mithril darts to trap rabbits to increase my summoning level so I can summon Kebbits to be able to draw out Abbyssyel Demons to train my slayer and get 1.2 mill GP Abbyssyel whips.

I then went blink…blink, blink. I had him slow down and help me with the spelling as I typed it into a post.

What do I do with this?

Technorati Tags: english please, baby goats, video games

Baby Goats, funny | 10 Comments »

When I was growing up, we made frequent trips to my father’s village in Italy. At the time, in the 70’s and 80’s, there was a lot of fascination with all things American (presumably that has diminished somewhat with George Bush). We saw many instances, even in the small village, of America’s influence. American music played on jukeboxes in bars and cafes while American television played in everyone’s homes (dubbed in Italian…imagine The Cosby Show in Italian!).

The other thing we noticed was the fascination with American fashions. Kids were scrambling to be seen with Nikes or Levis. The funniest thing is that we saw many T-Shirts with English words on them. These words or phrases never really meant anything, but I think the kids were happy to just show some sign of Americanism.

I don’t remember any of the specific words, but they always had a common theme of sport, fashion, speed and movement. They went something like this:

Club Sport
Super Play
Queen Princess

Well, on Monday, my cousin, his wife and their 13 year old daughter arrived from Italy. They are visiting my parents for three weeks. It turns out that this is a bittersweet visit as it is clear they are here to see my dad as he battles ALS.

When the plane landed, we waited anxiously as they survived customs. When they emerged, I saw my cousin first, then his wife. Taking up the rear, was their daughter. She was wearing one of “those” T-Shirts. As she paraded through the gauntlet of waiting families, we all stood, jaws agape, at what was emblazoned on her chest:

…with a picture of two cherries. Did I mention that she is 13!? I have no idea whether to tell them that there is a double meaning with this because I actually believe they know that there is a different way to take it. I wanted to take her to my son’s basebal

funny | 8 Comments »

I raced home from work tonight. It just might be the first night where I don’t have to drive someone to baseball practice or karate or the myriad other events that normally dot our evening.

Work has been leaving me numb lately and it is all I can do to work less than a 10 hour day. Too many projects, deadlines and fires to put out. You have all heard me whine about that ad nauseum.

The only thing on my mind on the drive home was a bottle of MacMurray Ranch Pinot Noir sitting in my cellar with my name on it. I could even picture on which shelf it was sitting. I knew exactly where I wanted to enjoy this wine; outside on the picnic table, under the grape arbor. This just might be my favorite place on Earth. Despite living in the city, with buses passing the front of my house every 12 minutes, under this arbor and I am instantly transported to the little village my dad comes from in Italy.

I didn’t even go into my house. I just went into the wine cellar and pulled out my wine. I brought it out to the picnic table and called my father to join me.

As you know, my father is battling Lou Gehrig’s disease. He can no longer speak except in a very thick, gravelly voice filled with mostly grunts and lots of guessing by his family. Even the shadow he casts has changed as this horrible disease takes over his once powerful body.

I told him to bring down a glass for himself and to join me. He came out with a plastic cup and I laughed. I poured him a glass and he eyeballed the 18.99 sticker still on the bottle. He smiled at me while at the same time shrugging his shoulders signaling his disbelief that a wine can cost so much.

Because of his disease, when my father drinks thin liquids, like wine, we have to be prepared for the reality that the liquid will move faster than his mouth can process it and he may sputter. This is a cause of enormous embarrassment for him and stress for us as we hold our breath.

I was busy swirling and sniffing while he dumped the wine into his mouth ungraciously. I saw him shut his eyes as I assumed he was merely trying to work his swallow muscles. But when he finally did swallow, his face turned to a grimace. He shook his head as if he just drank some vinegar and we laughed.

Here was a man who spent his whole life drinking only his homemade wine. He is no longer able to make it himself and I have begun stocking the cantina with bottles I purchased. Every single wine I have shared with him, caused the same reaction.

Once he got over the initial taste of the wine, we sat there, under the arbor with fresh shoots that will grow so thickly this summer that it will keep us dry when it rains. We were together, without saying a word, sipping the wine. I was no longer looking for those damned “cherries, spice and hints of vanilla” that the wine-maker tried to convince me were in there. Now, it was simply about being together; father and son, with never much to say to each other even when he had his voice. But the silence, the wine, the picnic table, the beautiful spring weather and the good company all combined to make my stresses slip away; even if for just a brief moment in time.

As the sun popped behind the thickening clouds, my father stood up and looked at the grape vines and held a fresh shoot in his hands. He tapped me on the shoulder and began speaking as if he had something very important to say. I could not honestly say that I understood everything but it was extremely clear to me that he was telling me how to prune the vines in the fall. I looked at him in the eye and told him that I am such a city boy that he will need to show me again in the fall. He smiled and lifted his hand and gave me a thumbs down.

my father, wine | 15 Comments »

(click on image to enlarge)

I know it is a little rough around the edges; most of what my dad builds is. Collecting wine, is quickly becoming an obsession. The room you see in the picture is actually part of the cantina that my dad built over 30 years ago. It was one of the first things he did when he bought this house.

This cantina would house no less than 25 gallons of homemade wine every year. As you know, last year my father was diagnosed with ALS or Lou Gehrig’s disease and has since stopped making wine. He lives upstairs from me and we cannot escape the gradual decline of his health. This collection is just one way that I have come up with to help me deal with the stresses in my life. My dad is an amazing man I honestly am not handling his disease well at all. I feel like I can fall apart at a moment’s notice. Luckily, I have my baby goats to remind me that I cannot shut down and crawl into a hole.

I confiscated a few shelves and have amassed a small collection of about 70 bottles. I am still in a very academic and discovery phase. I read other’s blogs religiously and devour their reviews. I then text message the wines to myself so that I have a mini-wishlist going at all times. I read about different varietals and wine-growing regions. I allow myself to be guided by what I am “supposed” to like first and then what I actually like as my taste buds develop.

I would be honored if you take a look at my collection, my hobby du jour. You can view a reasonably updated inventory by visiting my profile here on CellarTracker.

Let me know what some of your favorite wines are. I would love to hear your recommendations.

I have always considered blogging to be a very self-indulgent exercise and my recent pity party is proof of that. But I have also realized that my blogging world is as much about my relationships, very real and vital relationships that I have developed with all of you. When I wasn’t writing, many of you would still take the time to shoot me a brief email making sure all was well. I cannot begin to tell you how important that has been for me.

I think I am back on track. I have some real ideas for blog posts and I am aching to read your words again. Thanks to all of you, my dear friends.

Dan

uncategorized | 8 Comments »

Do they REALLY make “cans of worms?”

I can only assume that these would be used for fishing but how long do worms live in a can? So, if I fished, and I walked into my local Fishing-R-Us, could I buy a can of worms? Are there different price ranges for different quality of worm? What makes one type of worm better than another?

imponderable, uncategorized | 3 Comments »

Need I say more?

uncategorized | 1 Comment »

You may not have noticed, but I haven’t been “around” the internets for a while; I certainly haven’t been blogging about it. Other than a few random tweets on Twitter (I would be honored if you would follow me here), there really hasn’t been much happening to the Virtual Dan.

You see, the 3D Dan has usurped time and energy from the Virtual Dan. Therein lies my biggest problem: Life gets in the way of living.

I am not so selfish as to assume my life is any more stressful than yours. But I am bold enough to tell you that I am not doing a good job of managing that stress. I have always prided myself on how well I can handle stress. I was an EMT for a while and I even took the Air Traffic Controllers exam ( a million years ago) when I realized that being a pilot would take a LOT of money. I loved stress and crisises crisiums crises.

Things are different now. The stress is no longer an adrenaline rush. This stress is a pervasive thread that weaves itself into each cell in my body. This stress has now been so internalized that I know there is a physiological price to pay.

Here is a brief rundown of some of the things on my plate.

My health: My leg has healed leaving yet another scar the size of a saucer on my thigh.  I need to receive Remicade infusions every 6 weeks. Each infusion takes at least 5 hours. Very draining.  Everything is fine but I fear a flare up at any time.  One result of my previous flare-up is that I stopped running as it is completely impossible to run with this disease. Starting back up again has been a challenge. I did go for a 3.1 mile run the other day though….now it is all about consistency (for those who follow my blog, I bet you can see how challenging “consistency” is for me).

My Baby Goats: Insanity is the rule at the Leone Estates. Each baby goat brings their own set of challenges to the table. I’ll stop here, before saying something I might regret.

My Dad: ALS (Amyotropic Lateral Sclerosis) is a shitty disease. I am watching day by day as my dad progresses through the symptoms. He is virtually unable to speak now and his swallowing is severely affected. We all know what is happening to him and what will happen, but he prefers to work through this one day at a time. This is completely opposite of the “big picture” approach I would take if faced with the same prognosis, but I totally respect his perspective.

My parents live upstairs from me and we bear witness to the merciless, tomorrow-will-be-worse-than- today, progression of this disease. This puts an intense amount of pressure on the kids and I feel this leads to some of the problems that I alluded too above.

I know my dad is suffering and will suffer and that kills me.

Last Sunday was my niece’s First Communion in the Catholic Church. My parents have always considered themselves Christians but I have never in my life seen them practice it.  Last Sunday, we were all sitting in the same row and at one point, I looked over and saw my father on his knees praying. I may be an atheist, but this tore at my heart and I had to leave the church weeping like a child.

My work: INSANE! A pending deadline on a major, highly-visible project is stressful enough without the added stress of my normal day-to-day duties. But, truly, I love my job.

So, that is it in a nutshell…utterly uninteresting. The only purpose for blogging about it is to give me something to blog about.

Thanks to both of you for listening!

my father, parenting, uncategorized | 7 Comments »

I just overheard this 3 minutes ago while walking into my kids’ room. My 6 year old was talking to my 4 year old and this is the part that I heard:

….and then you fall asleep for 8 or 9 months and you wake up in your mom’s bagina

Should I be nervous?

uncategorized | 7 Comments »

Today….it is all about quantity.

Tell me how you are doing, the square root of pi, your favorite color, the last time you cried…ANYTHING! I feel like I am being run through a wringer right now and I really need, nee CRAVE, your voices!

uncategorized | 16 Comments »

Two major changes have made their way into my life in the last 5 years. They are very mutually exclusive and have begun battling in my head with no clear winner.

The first event was a self-diagnosed adult onset attention-deficit disorder (which merely replaced the self-diagnosed child-onset A.D.D when I became an adult at 38). The second event was the realization that I actually enjoy putting words on virtual paper. Sometimes, yes, SOMETIMES, I even enjoy stringing those words together into sentences and sentences into paragraphs and paragraphs back into sentences because I scare easily. You can think of it as “literal” rock-climbing where the higher I climb, the scaredier I get.

This first event has made it nearly impossible to stay focused on the task of writing. When I open Microsoft Word (or for your Mac users, the Mac-Touch, Better-Than-Breathing, Bill-Gates-Sucks, Write-a- Novel-While-Sleeping, Pretty-Artsy-Bubbly-Interface, I-Don’t-Care-If-It-Costs-Seven-Hundred-Dollars, Edition software), I am faced with so many distractions like the ever-annoying Clippy and deciding what font to use today (I write in Wingdings).

Not to mention that the internet is always seducing me by whispering mesmerizingly in my ear “Ohhhh Dan, I need you to run your fingers over my series of tubes…” and I happily succumb. Then I feel guilty and dirty and used…but sated. So, I am quick to Alt-Tab (or just think about it for you Mac-o-philes) my way through life (How I wish I could Alt-Tab people in much the same way I do screens).

Both of my readers (BoMR) are unfortunate witnesses to this internal conflict. You may have noticed some of it in the previous 8 million words of this post just to say what I am about to say in the following 150 words.

One of the tools that I really enjoy using is called JDarkRoom. This is a full-screen text editor and offers NONE of the distractions that the fully-loaded Word does. With this editor, you do not choose fonts, underlines, paragraphs or any other formatting. In fact, the screen is simply a black screen that takes up your entire monitor’s real estate. You do not see the Task Bar, System Tray, Menu Bar, Desktop or anything else. Just a black screen with green text (You can also change the color of the screen and text if green-on-black is not your thing).

JDarkRoom has many other distraction-free features. From their website:

* Change your colour preferences, font and font size - via the settings screen (F6)
* JDarkRoom remembers the file that you were working on last time
* Support for central-european character sets
* JDarkRoom notifies you if you might have forgotten to save your changes
* Word/line/character count (Ctrl-L)
* Specify a file on the command-line for JDarkRoom to open it at startup
* Text antialiasing (where possible)
* Mouse-wheel scrolling
* Adjustable margins to fit any screen resolution (F9 to reset)
* Auto-save backups - so you never lose your work again
* Text search (F7 / Ctrl-F)
* A command-reminder strip can be displayed at the bottom of the screen

Of course, I am not sure what anti-aliasing is, but I think they are building a wall along the Mexican border and a plastic bubble over Califronia which should help with that. Honestly, I do not believe I can live without the Central European Character Set! I don’t even know where Central Europe is!

JDarkRoom is shareware, which simply means that donations are gladly and deservedly accepted. I, too, am shareware, which simply means that I am shareable.

open source/freeware tools I use, writing | 5 Comments »

Can anyone please tell me what birds and bees have to do with THE “Birds and the Bees?!”

imponderable | 4 Comments »

Today I came to the painful conclusion that I simply suck as a dad.

parenting | 13 Comments »

My father made his own wine every year since he came to this country from Italy. To him, his wine was the only wine that mattered. He scoffed at people that spend money at the wine shops, let alone spend 50 dollars or even much more for a bottle.

My dad’s wine was something to be consumed, like water or beer, as a way to quench thirst and to accompany the meal. It was not meant to be swilled, sniffed or spat. There would be no conversation about bouquet, finish or tannins. With his wine, you could add ice cubes on a particularly warm day, or you could add ginger ale if you were in the mood for something fizzy. You could add drippingly ripe peeled peaches to a glass of wine and you had an instant dessert. This is wine that children were allowed to drink, diluted with water.

His wine was to be consumed in a juice glass. My dad still does not realize that people can spend 40 dollars for a single Reidel burgundy glass. I don’t want to be the one to tell him that I have two of these glasses.

Every year until the last 5 or so, I helped my dad make the wine in our basement. I helped open the splintery crates and macerate the grapes using an antique machine with noisy rotating drums of teeth. I helped press every last drop of juice from the grapes, stems and skins. Then, break open the cider press, take out the remnants…and re-press them to eke out another few drops. Nothing went to waste. I then brought out the stems and skins, compacted to a tight brick approximately 24 inches in diameter and 8 inches tall, out to the garden. He would use the remnants to grow tomatoes, basil and beans.

My dad would then spend the next few months coaxing a drinkable concoction from the foamy, fermenting grape juice carefully placed in a dozen five gallon glass containers. I never was part of this process. Perhaps, I was wasn’t so interested, or perhaps my dad simply did not want to reveal his secrets. But, I could never forget the fruit flies that inundated the house during this time.

Unfortunately, now my dad is battling a terminal illness. Since finding out that he was dying last year, he has stopped making wine. His stash from the year before slowly dwindled until there was a final gallon left and we have since gone through that.

As part of a living homage to my dad, I have able to amass a small collection of about 40-50 bottles of wine that I now store in the same cantina my dad and I would ferment his wine. This collection is my little homage to a great man. Right now, I am a neophyte still trying to determine what I like and have an almost obsessive desire to learn about all the wine-growing regions, varietals and vintages. I also love knowing what a wine is “supposed” to smell and taste like. I scour the internet for reviews and see if my opinion is in line with the pros. Usually, I am way off the mark, but it is such a fun hobby that I don’t care if my nose does not pick up hints of gooseberries and peach pits.

I sometimes find myself alone in the cantina, the same one I helped him build 30 years ago, I smell the years of spilled wine on the floor, the drying wine at the bottom of some of his bottles and the mustiness of that comes with time and living.

I have shared with him some of these bottles. He laughs weakly when I tell him the price (I only own one pricey bottle of wine..everything else is 25 dollars and most under 15…but he still laughs). He will take a swig of some Argentine Malbec and it is funny to watch his face contort because nothing tastes like the grape juice and battery acid that we used to make.

I enjoy at least one glass of wine a night. After I fill my glass, I raise it to the air and say “Here’s to you, Donato. Mille grazie per tutti. Cin Cin.”

my father, wine | 8 Comments »

ALS SUCKS!

my father | 5 Comments »

Luckily, the infestation was just confined to her head!

Baby Goats | 5 Comments »

As you know, I am an atheist. Many people believe that is because I am too ignorant of the facts of Christianity. Of course, I argue that I know more about the Bible and religions in general than many of my Christian friends. But that does not matter to them, because I can never argue the whole “faith”component of religion, which some people fall back on when I question their logic.

So, here is a chance to make me smart.

Can anyone tell me what do the Easter Bunny and chicken eggs have to do with:

A. Each other

B. The resurrection of Jesus

For that matter, what do Santa Clause and shopping malls have to do with the birth of Jesus?

Obviously, I am being facetious and am not so stupid as to believe that those pagan rituals and Hallmark creations have ANYTHING to do with the true meaning of the holidays. But, every once in a while it bears remembering…for both Christians and non-Christians.

Happy Easter everyone who is celebrating and Happy Day for all who are not.

I love these holidays, Christian or otherwise, and take them as an opportunity to reflect on the things that mean the most to me. So please know, I am forever grateful for your friendships, tolerance and your words!

imponderable | 6 Comments »

I gave you fair warning, so each word you read now brings you closer to my rant.

I need to receive Remicade infusions every month or so as part of the treatment I receive for my condition. Remicade acts as an immuno-suppressant.  Essentially, the theory is that my body has an over-reactive immune system that kicks in at the slightest provocation causing this nastiness to happen to me. Remicade will work to flatten my immune system and basically reboot it.

During this time, I am extremely prone to infection (because I don’t have much of an immune system), but have managed to side-step most of the illnesses running rampant at the Leone Estates.

So, here is the rant part: The logical conclusion of everything I said above it that I need to avoid people who are sick. IT IS NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND! I am not contagious, you idiots.  So, if you are pretending to be interested in my health and I go off and explain my treatments, the first words out of your mouth should not be: “OH! Stay away from me, then! I don’t want to get sick again!” Then proceed to tell me about the poor cold you just recovered from!

I don’t have leprosy. It is my immune system that is broken…not yours.

I just had this conversation on the elevator with someone and I am angry that this person got off the elevator and I am stigmatized, at least in his mind, as having a contagious disease.

It is important for me that people use their brains.  I am not a smart person, but I do the best I can to stop and think before I speak.

Thank you for allowing me a chance to vent.  Now it is your turn:

Go ahead and rant about something, anything that pisses you off. You are safe here. No one reads this stuff anyway.

health | 11 Comments »

(In the small case that you do not know me, this is supposed to be taken tongue-in-cheekily. I only have ONE crush in my life….and you know who you are!)

I admit it, I am addicted to The Food Network. I have always enjoyed cooking, LOVED cooking….but then I had children. Now I enjoy microwaving, standing up while eating and having a bowl of cereal for dinner. At some point in my myriad career changes, I strongly considered going back to school in order to study pastry chefery.

Also, TFN is one of the few channels on TV that are completely kid-safe. I am violently opposed to violence on TV and hate that my children are subjected to extreme images…even, especially rather, on children’s channels. Their constant exposure to graphic and violent images, has led us to watching only The Food Network and The Weather Channel.

So, this household spends a lot of time learning to cook, if not actually cooking. Coco even falls asleep to Iron Chef America (the one that is on at midnight..not the one at 7!)

No one can watch a channel so much without developing deeper feelings for some of the personalities…I am just glad it is not with Ryan Seacrest.

Here is my list of Food Network Crushes:

• I have to admit my biggest crush is on the human Q-Tip, Giada DeLaurentis of Everyday Italian. Now, before you go and crucify me by implying that I like her only because of her, ummm, chesticular endowments, please know that you couldn’t be further from the truth. My attraction to her begins and ends with the way she says “mozzarella” with a perfect Italian lilt. Listening to her read a menu is like listening to Cecelia Bartoli belt out a Mozart aria. I am enraptured in both scenarios but with Giada, it includes food, so advantage Giada.
• Next comes Ina Gartner, of the Barefoot Contessa. Not normally my “type” but oh my goodness, her breathy voice, coupled with her no-holds-barred suck-face she does with hubby, and I am fanning myself. You can just tell that she is a tigress.
• Next on the list would be Bobby Flay of Iron Chef America, et al. If I cooked with that spatula, I would be into him. He is the only one who can pull off the Iron Chef arms-crossed stare-down with the authenticity of a professional wrestler. Also, he is married to that hottie from Law and Order, SVU. If I were them, I would just put the bed in the kitchen.
• No list of Food Network Babes would be complete without the closest thing they have to a pornstar, Nigella, of Nigella Bites. I sincerely believe she has at least one orgasm during the taping of her show. Cooking as foreplay…I’m in!
• The hippest of the Geek Chic is Alton Brown of Good Eats. If I were on TFN, I would be Alton Brown. No one can make the science of toasting bread more interesting. With all the cheesy props used on the show, I would be happy to be the guy dressed in a foam carrot costume on the set.

I used to think Rachel Ray belonged on this list. She is clearly adorable and has that squishable laugh. That is what I used to think…then she tried to carry out her plan for world domination and has become so over-exposed, that I think I am starting to see her in my family photos…this chick is everywhere! I’m out on the “Yummo.”

My least favorite TFN stars (with no offense to them…just in case they are out Googling themselves right now)

• Michael Chiarello of Easy Entertaining with Michael Chiarello - Is this guy even Italian? Putting oregano on freedom fries and serving them in an orchid vase, does not constitute crush-worthiness.
• Anthony Bourdain of I’ll Eat Anything I Can Put in My Face (officially of the Travel Channel) - I love this show and I love the way he higlights how purely random our food tastes are. In this country, we can eat fried chicken embryos with reckless abandon, but squirm at the thought of eating cow tongue. But Anthony’s main-lined nicotine-induced anorexia, wears thin. I think he is spending more time looking for heroin in the bazaars than he is looking for eel testicles, but I guess I would be too.
• Paula Deen of I’ll Have a Stick of Butter with That, Please - I am sorry Southern-accented people, but “You All” only has two syllables, not twelve. I must admit to loving the fact that there is a pound of lard in every one of her recipes from lard soup to key lard pie.
• That OCD guy, Marc Summers of Unwrapped. I like watching how they make Bosco but I think the show would do fine without him on that fake diner set with those fake diner people having fake diner conversations in the background. He always looks like he can’t stand any of the food he is talking about. They always put a bowl of something in front of him and he looks at it like it is filled with cow tongues.
• Al Roker - Duh!
• Robin Miller of Quck Fix Meals - I am was ready to move her up the list, but she looks too much like Katie Couric and that scares me. Plus she needs to show me that she can do more with food than throw it into a crock pot. Just because I am too busy to cook, doesn’t mean you should be too. It may be “quick” to throw everything in a pot, but it takes four days to cook this stuff.
• Sandra Lee from Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee - What world does she live in? Do any of you redecorate your kitchen to match your dinner? My kitchen is usually redecorated WITH dinner! Do you put artichokes in a fish bowl and use it as a centerpiece? Can you cook with those outfits she wears? Every single sleeve extends past her hands! How does a human cook like that. I cook in nothing but an apron (scorch your retinas now) and here she is wearing clothes that make her look like a negative image of Morticia from the Addams Family. Perhaps in Stepford Wives-Land, you can do that, but not in the world in which I live. Plus, I am not about to sprinkle Jello powder on Pillsbury Crescent Rolls and call it dessert.

Just my opinion….until I change it.

funny | 9 Comments »

    "What? Wait. I can’t hear you. Hang on."
    "Hang on!" He said even louder. His elbow raised high in some make-believe self-important way.
    "I will call you when I get to my office. I am on the elevator right now."
Dean tucked his cell phone into his jacket pocket; too preoccupied to notice the looks of disdain in the eyes of the others taking the same trip.
    The muffled, digitized ring begins again. People begin shifting uncomfortably and their clearly audible sighs do nothing to hide their disgust as Dean answers it again.
    "Yeah. I know, I know. I said I will call you when I get to my desk. Jesus!" He hung up angrily, but this time his elbow nearly smashed into the woman behind him.
    An elevator, and a crowded subway are perhaps the only place complete strangers can stand so awkwardly close. Standing so close, and yet trying so hard not to make eye contact; that was the dance played out a million times per day. But for now, all eyes have been released from their usual lock on the changing floor display to collectively sneer at Dean.
    Floor 14, the doors open and Dean allowed himself the luxury of first exit, though there are others physically closer to the front of the elevator.
    He walked past rows of cubicles, each the same, save for the pre-approved personal flair added by their occupants. He did not notice Julie’s cube looks a bit overrun with plants and other greenery. If he ever slowed down long enough, he would have noticed that bamboo plant with some purple fish inside the glass vase swimming through the roots. If he slowed down, he would see Stephanie’s desk with a disturbing number of cat paraphernalia; cat calendars, cat mug and, strangely, a cat mousepad. From golfing magazines to Hallmark cards. From Employee of the Month awards to the ubiquitous pictures of children, everyone had a story to tell. Everyone needed to put a personal mark to break the sameness of their cubicle neighborhood, cuburbia. Dean couldn’t be bothered. He stormed past them all until he got to his own cube. On the way past his boss’s office, the only space enclosed by four walls and a door, he managed a drive-by wave.
     Dean turned on his computer and grabbed his emails before remembering to call his sister.
    "Sorry, Jo, it is not even eight and it already is getting…"
    "That’s fine, Dean. I understand. You know I wouldn’t want to bother you unless it was important."
    "Listen, Jo. I know Ma is disappointed in me for missing their fiftieth anniversary party. She already gave me an earful but you know that no matter how much planning I try to do, I am at the mercy of these customers. Just the other day…"
     "Don’t! Don’t do this Dean. I don’t care about your friggin’ customers." Audible crack in her voice shattered his ability to create a coherent thought.
    Dean sat up, turned his chair to look out down to the crowded street below. It was becoming clear to Dean that this was not the normal "You really blew it this time" call.
    "Sis, If Don is hurting you in any way, I…"
    "This has nothing to do with anniversaries or wife beatings, you fucking moron! Just stop. This is hard enough for me without you playing the idiot detective. For once in your goddam life, listen."
    The sound of silence penetrated the next twenty seconds like a bullet.
    "Your father, our dad, Papa…..He died last night!" Silence. Did you hear me? Lui e morto!" She screamed the last sentence in utter exhaustion and obvious frustration.
    Dean chewed his cheek and blinked hard and fast as he came to terms with what he was told. Normally, never at a loss for words, there were no words to describe what Dean was feeling. He dropped his cell phone to his lap as he stared through the objects in his cube.
    "Dean, for crap’s sake. Did you hear me?"
    He picked up the phone again.  
    "When?" was all he could come up with.
    "Yesterday. It happened so fast. By the time we got to the basement, he was already lying there in a pool of blood."
Dean let the image of that pool of blood flood his brain. He was no longer thinking of his father. He was simply picturing the ever expanding pool of blood like a death scene in some bad movie.
    "We told him every day not to play with the electricity. But of course, he had to try to re-wire the light over his workbench so that it would go on whenever he turned on the big light to the room. You remember, we even used to laugh at him for being so harebrained, and as always, he didn’t turn off the power to the light. Instead he tried to do it the usual way and just hope that the live wires wouldn’t cross. Well, you know, the guy is 79 years old. His hands shake so badly, he is blind as a bat, I am surprised he didn’t kill himself shaving. The jolt knocked him to the ground. It was the fall that killed him. His head hit the cement floor hard enough to shatter his skull. That bastard! If he wasn’t dead, we would all be laughing at this. I wish I could laugh right now."
    "How’s Mama?"
    "Well you know Mama. She has been dressing in all black for the last fifteen years just because she knew he was going to kill himself someday.
    That was just like Jo; never at a loss for breaking life down into the ridiculous.
    Her given name was Giovanna Bruna Cedrone. At no time did anyone ever dare call her that. Giovanna was reserved only for the birth certificate and it was Jo for the rest of the planet. She had classic Italian features. Olive skin that was shiny like she bathed in the magical oil. Her hair, thick, was always out of control. A wisp of hair would find its way in front of her eyes and she would blow it back with a well-placed puff. Her eyes were buried deep inside of even deeper sockets. Not-so-skinny would be the best way to describe her body. Italian food coupled with four children will change the architecture of any body. She preferred to be called curvy. Her Sophia Loren breasts would find little use for her bra as they spilled easily over the top.
She was a loving mother to her four boys. Over-protective, of course. A parent has to be these days. Stern, without a doubt. She was not above a quick slap in the butt as a form of enforced encouragement. But, not a heartbeat later, she could drop down to the floor and play video games with them with all the genuine enthusiasm as if she were a child herself but with all the skill of a mom genuinely in love with her children. Then she had no problems springing back up once her husband came home in order to start dinner. She was tireless. A good quality to have in a small house filled with boys. To Jo, her family was her life. Without them, there would be no Jo.
    She never strayed far from the town she grew up in. In fact, she never strayed from this very house in her forty-five years on this planet. She, her husband, Donato, and their four boys lived just below her parents in the same house on Lincoln Road.
    "Listen. If you are interested, the wake will be Friday and the funeral will be Saturday. If my opinion matters, I think Ma will really appreciate it if you would come and pay your respects."
Dean remained silent. Silent, stunned and hurt. His brain trying to process everything and grasping nothing. His sister’s words spilled salt into the wound. What was she saying? Of course he would come home.
    "Interested? Papa is dead and all you can say is ‘if you are interested?’ Come on Jo. Cut me some slack, will ya?"
    "I will cut you some slack…once again. Just don’t disappoint Ma. She really needs all of us now more than ever. But she doesn’t need any of your ‘I am too important bullshit."
    Dean put his jacket on and retraced his steps back out. This time he was stopped by Julie who needed to know how he wanted to respond to the latest report highlighting his team’s underperformance for the last quarter.
    "Dean, I was just coming to see you. I am putting together the agenda for the Executive Update Meeting on Friday. I saw your slides and noticed that there was as decrease in your team’s performance over the last month. I thought it would be a good idea if we can deflect any questions about it by putting an asterisk next to the stat and a single comment from you."
    Dean caught about half of her words and tried to ignore the rest.
    "I really need to get out of here. Something personal has come up."
    She heard without listening.
    "That’s OK. How about a quick sentence. I’ll walk you to the elevator."
    "Um, alright. Listen. Just tell the Executive Committee that we are still reviewing the stats, but it looks like having one Rep out on maternity leave and the recall of our major player across all age groups resulted in an increase in call volume. We are confident that the next quarter we will see higher customer satisfaction as we recover from our slight downturn in call answer rates. Blah blah blah. You’ve done this a million times before, Julie! Can’t you figure it out?"
    "You know they are not going to buy that. Don’t you?" They are simply going to ask why we did not forecast staffing requirements. It’s not like we didn’t know she was pregnant."
    As he handed her the report, he stopped long enough to look in her eyes.
    "Just tell them to take their staffing requirements and stuff them up their ass. Let’s see them forecast that." He said as his head cocked to the side exaggeratedly.
    Julie Moretz had this ability to look right in your eye, nod her head in agreement and at the same time she could make you feel like you were standing on your head. At this moment, she perfected that look.
    He threw his keys on the table next to the door; put there just for that purpose. His apartment had very little "new" furniture. In fact, one of his girlfriends called it "dorm-room chic." The one piece that became Dean’s pride and joy was his bar. He remembered how excited he was when it was delivered to him. It even came assembled; a unique feature for Dean’s decor. Made from a warm, rich cherry wood and even came with the optional brass footrest. It had a stemware holder and a mini-fridge for precisely chilling white wine. With the bar came a free gift of the Boston Bartender’s Guide. The first thing he did was go to the liquor store and collect every bottle off the Must Have list. He sampled everything on that list and maybe concocted hundreds of drinks following the precise recipe in that book. He impressed no one but himself when he meticulously cut up limes and opened two jars of maraschino cherries to place in the special bins at one of his parties.
    Tonight, that is not what he wanted. He had no use for preparing a complicated drink. He went to the fridge, dropped to his knees and moved a small collection of hot sauces out of the way. After knocking over a few, he found what he needed. He picked up the gallon wine jug. The one with the screw top. A special package from his father.
    Every September, his dad would press his own grapes into wine. He would send a carefully wrapped bottle to Dean every month. The bottle came from the same stash of bottles collected over the last thirty years. His dad even learned to use the computer at seventy-five years of age, just so he could print out cute labels. The label had an image of a lion in the shade of some tree in Africa caught in a giant yawn. Inscribed on it was his father’s birthday, June 12, 1939 and the words in some Ancient Roman script, Bottled with Love By La Famiglia Cedrone. The reason for the lion was not so romantic or symbolic. It simply was one of the standard stock images that came with the labeling software.
     Usually the wine just sat in the fridge with Dean taking the occasional sip or using it in some recipe. Tonight, Dean needed to drink it. It didn’t matter that the red wine was refrigerated. To his father, drinking warm wine was like drinking warm beer. He could never understand how Americans complained that the British like their beer warm and at the same time say that red wine should be never be cold. Neither made sense. Dean reached for a juice glass from the cabinet. He poured the wine into the Williams-Sonoma Picardie glass and drank most of it without tasting it. Drinking now was not about savoring. It had nothing to do with slurping and analyzing tannin, watching the "legs" or distinguishing hints of dark fruits and plums. It was about coping. Coping in the only way Dean ever really learned how to cope. This process was designed to hit him hard.
    He turned on the CD player using the remote on the counter and then threw himself on the sofa. He placed the gallon jug on the floor next to him. The voice of Pavarotti filled the room but it was the images of his father that filled his mind. He took another gulp of wine. In minutes, he finished his third glass.
    At 7:16 AM, the alarm had been going off for the last sixteen minutes with not even a flinch from Dean. He half-opened his eyes, rubbed the string of drool dangling from his mouth and stared down to see the same clothes he had on last night. He didn’t even give himself the courtesy of lying down. He was in the exact same seated position that he was in last night.
    She stood in the doorway to the bedroom half-covering her naked body.
    "Why didn’t you come to bed last night? I woke up to your music but fell back asleep."
    "You should get dressed and go back to your apartment now. I have stuff I need to take care of."
    "What are you talking about? I haven’t been to my apartment in months. I practically live here. You can’t just tell me to leave. I even help you with rent, you mother fucker."
    He turned his head slowly, almost painfully, revealing his glaring bloodshot eyes. "Get out now!"
    "You are one fucked up dude!" She slammed the door but it popped back open and Dean could see her throw her pants on without underwear and shirt without her bra. She stuffed those into her purse, then collected some other belongings and stormed out whisper screaming that she doesn’t need his shit anymore. The front door popped back open. Dean stumbled to the bathroom.

The Son of His Father, writing | 4 Comments »

    “What? Wait. I can’t hear you. Hang on.”
“Hang on!” He said even louder. His elbow raised high in some make-believe self-important way.
“I will call you when I get to my office. I am on the elevator right now.”
Dean tucked his cell phone into his jacket pocket; too preoccupied to notice the looks of disdain in the eyes of the others taking the same trip.
The muffled, digitized ring begins again. People begin shifting uncomfortably and their clearly audible sighs do nothing to hide their disgust as Dean answers it again.
“Yeah. I know, I know. I said I will call you when I get to my desk. Jesus!” He hung up angrily, but this time his elbow nearly smashed into the woman behind him.
An elevator, and a crowded subway are perhaps the only place complete strangers can stand so awkwardly close. Standing so close, and yet trying so hard not to make eye contact; that was the dance played out a million times per day. But for now, all eyes have been released from their usual lock on the changing floor display to collectively sneer at Dean.
Floor 14, the doors open and Dean allowed himself the luxury of first exit, though there are others physically closer to the front of the elevator.
He walked past rows of cubicles, each the same, save for the pre-approved personal flair added by their occupants. He did not notice Julie’s cube looks a bit overrun with plants and other greenery. If he ever slowed down long enough, he would have noticed that bamboo plant with some purple fish inside the glass vase swimming through the roots. If he slowed down, he would see Stephanie’s desk with a disturbing number of cat paraphernalia; cat calendars, cat mug and, strangely, a cat mousepad. From golfing magazines to Hallmark cards. From Employee of the Month awards to the ubiquitous pictures of children, everyone had a story to tell. Everyone needed to put a personal mark to break the sameness of their cubicle neighborhood, cuburbia. Dean couldn’t be bothered. He stormed past them all until he got to his own cube. On the way past his boss’s office, the only space enclosed by four walls and a door, he managed a drive-by wave.
Dean turned on his computer and grabbed his emails before remembering to call his sister.
“Sorry, Jo, it is not even eight and it already is getting…”
“That’s fine, Dean. I understand. You know I wouldn’t want to bother you unless it was important.”
“Listen, Jo. I know Ma is disappointed in me for missing their fiftieth anniversary party. She already gave me an earful but you know that no matter how much planning I try to do, I am at the mercy of these customers. Just the other day…”
“Don’t! Don’t do this Dean. I don’t care about your friggin’ customers.” Audible crack in her voice shattered his ability to create a coherent thought.
Dean sat up, turned his chair to look out down to the crowded street below. It was becoming clear to Dean that this was not the normal “You really blew it this time” call.
“Sis, If Don is hurting you in any way, I…”
“This has nothing to do with anniversaries or wife beatings, you fucking moron! Just stop. This is hard enough for me without you playing the idiot detective. For once in your goddam life, listen.”
The sound of silence penetrated the next twenty seconds like a bullet.
“Your father, our dad, Papa…..He died last night!” Silence. Did you hear me? Lui e morto!” She screamed the last sentence in utter exhaustion and obvious frustration.
Dean chewed his cheek and blinked hard and fast as he came to terms with what he was told. Normally, never at a loss for words, there were no words to describe what Dean was feeling. He dropped his cell phone to his lap as he stared through the objects in his cube.
“Dean, for crap’s sake. Did you hear me?”
He picked up the phone again.
“When?” was all he could come up with.
“Yesterday. It happened so fast. By the time we got to the basement, he was already lying there in a pool of blood.”
Dean let the image of that pool of blood flood his brain. He was no longer thinking of his father. He was simply picturing the ever expanding pool of blood like a death scene in some bad movie.
“We told him every day not to play with the electricity. But of course, he had to try to re-wire the light over his workbench so that it would go on whenever he turned on the big light to the room. You remember, we even used to laugh at him for being so harebrained, and as always, he didn’t turn off the power to the light. Instead he tried to do it the usual way and just hope that the live wires wouldn’t cross. Well, you know, the guy is 79 years old. His hands shake so badly, he is blind as a bat, I am surprised he didn’t kill himself shaving. The jolt knocked him to the ground. It was the fall that killed him. His head hit the cement floor hard enough to shatter his skull. That bastard! If he wasn’t dead, we would all be laughing at this. I wish I could laugh right now.”
“How’s Mama?”
“Well you know Mama. She has been dressing in all black for the last fifteen years just because she knew he was going to kill himself someday.
That was just like Jo; never at a loss for breaking life down into the ridiculous.
Her given name was Giovanna Bruna Cedrone. At no time did anyone ever dare call her that. Giovanna was reserved only for the birth certificate and it was Jo for the rest of the planet. She had classic Italian features. Olive skin that was shiny like she bathed in the magical oil. Her hair, thick, was always out of control. A wisp of hair would find its way in front of her eyes and she would blow it back with a well-placed puff. Her eyes were buried deep inside of even deeper sockets. Not-so-skinny would be the best way to describe her body. Italian food coupled with four children will change the architecture of any body. She preferred to be called curvy. Her Sophia Loren breasts would find little use for her bra as they spilled easily over the top.
She was a loving mother to her four boys. Over-protective, of course. A parent has to be these days. Stern, without a doubt. She was not above a quick slap in the butt as a form of enforced encouragement. But, not a heartbeat later, she could drop down to the floor and play video games with them with all the genuine enthusiasm as if she were a child herself but with all the skill of a mom genuinely in love with her children. Then she had no problems springing back up once her husband came home in order to start dinner. She was tireless. A good quality to have in a small house filled with boys. To Jo, her family was her life. Without them, there would be no Jo.
She never strayed far from the town she grew up in. In fact, she never strayed from this very house in her forty-five years on this planet. She, her husband, Donato, and their four boys lived just below her parents in the same house on Lincoln Road.
“Listen. If you are interested, the wake will be Friday and the funeral will be Saturday. If my opinion matters, I think Ma will really appreciate it if you would come and pay your respects.”
Dean remained silent. Silent, stunned and hurt. His brain trying to process everything and grasping nothing. His sister’s words spilled salt into the wound. What was she saying? Of course he would come home.
“Interested? Papa is dead and all you can say is ‘if you are interested?’ Come on Jo. Cut me some slack, will ya?”
“I will cut you some slack…once again. Just don’t disappoint Ma. She really needs all of us now more than ever. But she doesn’t need any of your ‘I am too important bullshit.”
Dean put his jacket on and retraced his steps back out. This time he was stopped by Julie who needed to know how he wanted to respond to the latest report highlighting his team’s underperformance for the last quarter.
“Dean, I was just coming to see you. I am putting together the agenda for the Executive Update Meeting on Friday. I saw your slides and noticed that there was as decrease in your team’s performance over the last month. I thought it would be a good idea if we can deflect any questions about it by putting an asterisk next to the stat and a single comment from you.”
Dean caught about half of her words and tried to ignore the rest.
“I really need to get out of here. Something personal has come up.”
She heard without listening.
“That’s OK. How about a quick sentence. I’ll walk you to the elevator.”
“Um, alright. Listen. Just tell the Executive Committee that we are still reviewing the stats, but it looks like having one Rep out on maternity leave and the recall of our major player across all age groups resulted in an increase in call volume. We are confident that the next quarter we will see higher customer satisfaction as we recover from our slight downturn in call answer rates. Blah blah blah. You’ve done this a million times before, Julie! Can’t you figure it out?”
“You know they are not going to buy that. Don’t you?” They are simply going to ask why we did not forecast staffing requirements. It’s not like we didn’t know she was pregnant.”
As he handed her the report, he stopped long enough to look in her eyes.
“Just tell them to take their staffing requirements and stuff them up their ass. Let’s see them forecast that.” He said as his head cocked to the side exaggeratedly.
Julie Moretz had this ability to look right in your eye, nod her head in agreement and at the same time she could make you feel like you were standing on your head. At this moment, she perfected that look.
He threw his keys on the table next to the door; put there just for that purpose. His apartment had very little “new” furniture. In fact, one of his girlfriends called it “dorm-room chic.” The one piece that became Dean’s pride and joy was his bar. He remembered how excited he was when it was delivered to him. It even came assembled; a unique feature for Dean’s decor. Made from a warm, rich cherry wood and even came with the optional brass footrest. It had a stemware holder and a mini-fridge for precisely chilling white wine. With the bar came a free gift of the Boston Bartender’s Guide. The first thing he did was go to the liquor store and collect every bottle off the Must Have list. He sampled everything on that list and maybe concocted hundreds of drinks following the precise recipe in that book. He impressed no one but himself when he meticulously cut up limes and opened two jars of maraschino cherries to place in the special bins at one of his parties.
Tonight, that is not what he wanted. He had no use for preparing a complicated drink. He went to the fridge, dropped to his knees and moved a small collection of hot sauces out of the way. After knocking over a few, he found what he needed. He picked up the gallon wine jug. The one with the screw top. A special package from his father.
Every September, his dad would press his own grapes into wine. He would send a carefully wrapped bottle to Dean every month. The bottle came from the same stash of bottles collected over the last thirty years. His dad even learned to use the computer at seventy-five years of age, just so he could print out cute labels. The label had an image of a lion in the shade of some tree in Africa caught in a giant yawn. Inscribed on it was his father’s birthday, June 12, 1939 and the words in some Ancient Roman script, Bottled with Love By La Famiglia Cedrone. The reason for the lion was not so romantic or symbolic. It simply was one of the standard stock images that came with the labeling software.
Usually the wine just sat in the fridge with Dean taking the occasional sip or using it in some recipe. Tonight, Dean needed to drink it. It didn’t matter that the red wine was refrigerated. To his father, drinking warm wine was like drinking warm beer. He could never understand how Americans complained that the British like their beer warm and at the same time say that red wine should be never be cold. Neither made sense. Dean reached for a juice glass from the cabinet. He poured the wine into the Williams-Sonoma Picardie glass and drank most of it without tasting it. Drinking now was not about savoring. It had nothing to do with slurping and analyzing tannin, watching the “legs” or distinguishing hints of dark fruits and plums. It was about coping. Coping in the only way Dean ever really learned how to cope. This process was designed to hit him hard.
He turned on the CD player using the remote on the counter and then threw himself on the sofa. He placed the gallon jug on the floor next to him. The voice of Pavarotti filled the room but it was the images of his father that filled his mind. He took another gulp of wine. In minutes, he finished his third glass.
At 7:16 AM, the alarm had been going off for the last sixteen minutes with not even a flinch from Dean. He half-opened his eyes, rubbed the string of drool dangling from his mouth and stared down to see the same clothes he had on last night. He didn’t even give himself the courtesy of lying down. He was in the exact same seated position that he was in last night.
She stood in the doorway to the bedroom half-covering her naked body.
“W